Dec 12, 2003

Cuz it's Friday... you ain't got no job.... 

And you ain't got shit to do!

It's Friday and you know what that means..... BOOZE! Today, it's Miller High Life. Hey, it's not called the "Champagne of Beers" for nothin'.

I also feel up for a solid fisking and boy oh boy do I like today's subject: Howard Dean (D- Ass)

Semi-Intelligent Thoughts points us to this: 51 Reasons Why Americans Should Elect Howard Dean

C.D. recognizes that this is in dire need of fisking, but doesn't have the time. I'm hoping I can kick-start his fisk engine, so I'll dive in first. Here we go!

1) I love the American ideal. I'm not so enamored of my country's beauty to believe it comes close to perfection. But it has permitted the advance of human rights in a world that too easily surrenders to the brutal. I'd like to further that and am convinced Howard Dean will achieve that.

Hold on. Still laughing at thought of Howie being tough on human rights abusers like Cuba, Libya, and well..... Iraq. Hehehe. Ok, continue.

2) Howard Dean is a doctor. His partner is a doctor. They have demonstrated a commitment to healing and this country is in need of healing.

So he intends to make house calls? To everyone? In the country? In the world?

3) We suffered as a large, extended family on 9/11/01, at the hands of haters who were indifferent to the value of over 3,000 lives and the tens of thousands of lives they touched. The world mourned our loss with us. Our leaders responded to properly dismantle the government of Afghanistan that had directly harbored the leaders of those haters. But our leaders then redirected that mission to a war with Iraq that was unnecessary, resorting to deception and dishonesty, and resulting in tit-for-tat brutalities that blurred the line between a moral defense and the immoral.
Howard Dean understands the Hippocratic Oath: first, do no harm.

Let me hit you idiots out there over the head with this ONE MORE TIME: IRAQ WAS HARBORING TERRORISTS. I don't give a good goddam if they were Al-Qaeda, Hamas, PLO, Action Direct, the IRA, or ELF. A terrorist is a terrorist. You help them - your ass is on the hit list. It's a long list, so have a seat and wait your turn. NEXT!

4) To the credit of the Democratic Party, four of its current candidates, including Dean, recognized why this war was wrong and opposed it. But at this point, only Dean has a chance of being elected to utilize the strength of that moral wisdom.

Good God, you twit. "Moral wisdom"? Is this another thing about him being a doctor? If it is, ask him if it hurts when I do this? [/flips bird]

5) Contrary to what his detractors claim, his views on this war do not reflect a commitment to passivity in the face of aggression. He would maintain peace through strength, he would aggressively pursue the dismantling of terrorist organizations and he would yield nothing to any foe. It's an old Republican canard to suggest that a Democratic President would be weak on defense but the historical record provides no evidence to support that myth. They made the claim that Clinton was weak on defense, yet he successfully stopped an ongoing slaughter in Bosnia and it was the military that Clinton built that proved itself up to the task of knocking out the Taliban government and the Hussein government.

Hmmm where to begin? "He would maintain peace through strength..... but be commited to the Hippocratic Oath: first, do no harm." That's like telling the pitcher "Yeah that guy has a bat, but he won't swing it, no matter what." 3 strikes - you're out. And the next person who says that Afghanistan was handled by Clinton's military gets punched in the mouth. The military that exists today is what survived Clinton. That bastard didn't BUILD anything. He cut us to the bone and then tried to suck out the marrow. And Bosnia? Oh yeah - they're all puppy-dogs and ice cream over there right now.
Howard Dean, like numerous governors who became President, lacks foreign policy experience, but he displays an understanding of the importance of military strength and has a demonstrable capacity for surrounding himself with talented and successful advisers.

WHO, exactly, are these advisors and what are their credentials? And do they carry around little red books with them everywhere they go? Inquiring minds and all that....

6) Howard Dean understands that the US military is strong enough to go it alone when necessary for the common defense. Yet he also recognizes that in most instances, it is preferable to coordinate and work with allies against common enemies. Without being hamstrung by the intransigence that can occur in bodies like the UN, he recognizes that diplomatic means exist to resolve such differences most of the time.

Wow - seems I've heard all that before. FROM G.W. BUSH. Why is Howie cleared to say this but W isn't? Anyone? Bueller?

7) In Iraq, Hussein was weakened by a decade of sanctions, overflights and armed attacks by our vigilant air defense team. While maintaining a belligerent stance, Hussein was gradually ceding to aggressive inspections maintained by the threat of force. Dean felt this approach was succeeding in disarming Hussein and neutralizing his threat. The evidence since we began this war supports Dean's views, as no WMDs have been found.

Yesssss.... hey did you know the Earth was flat? Well it was. Until it wasn't. Hey here's a question: if Saddam had no WMDs, then how come Clinton said he did (repeatedly) and you bought it? Which is it? I mean, they aren't there now, but we didn't see them leave between when Bill left office and today...... hmmmmmm...... it's a mystery. Jinkies, gang! To the Mystery Machine!

8) It wasn't just Dean's guesswork that yielded that assessment. It had become clear to many people that Bush's intent to attack Iraq was driven by a policy defined by neocons associated with the Project for a New American Century (PNAC), who had articulated a plan to take down Hussein several years before Bush took office. It also became clear to many that the 'evidence' used to justify the takedown was very thin, occasionally was proven to be distortions of past reports or based on hearsay from less than credible sources. Like millions of Americans and millions across the globe, Dean saw through the dishonesty correctly.

Ooooooo.... those evil neo-cons! They'll get theirs! Yes...... that evidence was so thin.

9) Dean also understood that most of the mass atrocities committed by Hussein had taken place before the first Gulf War a dozen years earlier, or in the immediate aftermath of that war, when he put down civil uprisings against his regime. He also understood that Hussein was brutal and repressive and that an armed response would be necessary if Hussein were to threaten his neighbors with military action, but that Hussein had not done so for years. Dean wanted Hans Blix to complete the WMD inspections process which is what our allies at the UN asked for.

Oh well, it all happened a long time ago! What were we thinking?! Hey while we're at it why don't we open up free trade with Castro? I mean HE hasn't pulled any shit on us in a while, right? And make sure ol' Hans and the rest of the Inspector Clouseau team from the UN get in there so they can overlook all that stuff that Saddam didn't ever have anyway right? It's not like Kofi Annan was personally lining his pockets with money from the "Oil for Food" program, or anything. So why wouldn't he and Hans want to find those weapons and bring that program to a screeching halt? Hmmm?

10) Knowing full well that Americans would overlook the deceptions that sent our troops to Iraq at the first proof of WMDs, many Democratic legislators voted to hand Bush the authority to go to war. Politically, this is called 'playing it safe.' Dean took a big risk with his war opposition. Had WMDs been found, voters would consider him foolish. But he didn't take the position he did to gamble. He took the position because it was morally right to go to war only after the alternatives were exhausted.

Well, it's good to see that you at least admit to Leftist ass-covering. I don't doubt for one second that Democrats gave Bush full authority to go kick some ass because they wanted him to later fall on his sword. Or was it because after 9/11 they suffered from a moment of clarity brought on by that giant turd rolling down their trouser leg when they realized that terrorism had arrived on their front doorstep? I get those two so confused.....

Allright C.D..... I just delivered the Flying Elbow from the top rope, and tagged you in. Go get 'im!

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