Dec 4, 2003

What's old is new again 

In a shameless effort to both put up some content, and drive even a little business to one of my favorite blogs, Random Nuclear Strikes, I dove back into other people's archives and pulled out this.

The Analog Kid had written a short little blurb about the Iranian National Automobile, The Khodro Samand. I went to their website, and was inspired to post the following:

All right, so I clicked on the link to read all about the pimpin' ride of the typical Iranian Mad Mullah, and it just BEGGED to be fisked.... so I did. Now, for your viewing pleasure, I will fisk .....an automobile.

**Samand, the National Automobile , Beginning of the production project in 1996, Made in 2000**

Hmmmm, national automobile. What's Farsi for "Volkswagen?"

**After three decades from production of Paykan, with no alteration in its form or structure, the need to design and manufacture a new automobile quite different from the present type was strongly felt.**

After three decades of buying lawnmower engines with seats, we felt we needed to modernize to the 1985 standards.

**Therefore, Iran Khodro management decided to design and produce prototypes of the national automobile, called Samand, in Iran Khodro Research Center with cooperation of Iranian experts and engineers, in line with the national development strategies and in competition with foreign automobile manufacturing companies.**

What competition? You can't export it and IT IS the NATIONAL CAR after all, so who's cars you going to import?

**In this automobile, the most modern systems of safety and comfort have been anticipated, including seat belts for all passengers,**

As opposed to the one big one they all had to share before...

**central lock,** (just the one lock)

**powered window winders,** (I didn't know windows wound)

**air conditioner, radio cassette player,** (again, the 1985 standard)

**left and right wing mirrors adjustable from the interior, etc.
This automobile has been designed by the aid of Iranian and foreign consultants, its engine is 1761 cm3,**

A 107 cubic inch engine!! You can almost feel the wind in your beard!! Sorry, I couldn't find a horse-power to camel-power conversion ratio...

**none of the parts of the present Paykan have been used in it, and it is a completely new and modern automobile with high safety, front axle,**

Oh good, it has a front axle now. What was it before? A unicycle?

**numerous accessories, and newly designed body.
It will be even of higher quality than Peugeot 405.**

OOOOOOHHHHH!!! It'll be a better product than a FRENCH car!! What a bold and powerful statement THAT makes!!

**By the design and manufacturing of Iran Samand, Iran will join the automobile making countries of the world.**

Again, WHO? China? Cuba? Libya? North Korea? Should we call them the "Axle of Evil?" (Hey, maybe that's where that new front axle came from....)

**Annual production level will start with 5000 units, to be increased gradually to over 200,000 units within five years.**

That would be presuming that the Mad Mullahs are still running the show over there in five years and all those pissed off college students haven't taken over the joint and decided to buy Ford F150's instead.

Don't get your heart too set on making these things in quantity, Mad Mullahs. I have a feeling that in a couple years ol' "Cal" Muhammad won't be the only game in town that's "clubbing a baby camel" to make you a better deal on that new or used car. Free markets and consumer choice could make this a very short production run....

Posted by: Mike the Marine on September 30, 2003 11:58 AM

So there you go - a little regurgitated ME. Remember, stop on by RNS and show some love.

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