Oct 29, 2004

Beware the Bogeyman 

Ooooo.... I am Osama Bin Laden....

And I approved this message...


Just in time for Halloween that little rat-bastard pops up to say hi. What a shitbird.

I blame him for multiple things: long lines at the airport, the fact that my friends and I have to tour the world looking for his candy-ass, etc.

Mostly I blame him for the fact that I now have a National Defense Medal that I have to wear with my Blues. What a pain in the ass. Damn pizza stain. I wanted my first ribbon to be something more out of the ordinary, ya know? Like an Arctic Service Medal, or something. Instead, three years ago, Osama hooked me up.



Speaking of douches, who's writing Osama's friggin' keynote speeches these days, Jabba the Tard Michael Moore?
It never occurred to us that he, the commander in chief of the country, would leave 50,000 citizens in the two towers to face those horrors alone, because he thought listening to a child discussing her goats was more important.
Un. Real.

Tell ya what there cheese-dick, how's about we Rochambeau for the future of the world, m'kay? We'll kick each other in the nuts until somebody gives up... I go first.

Oooh, Osama... I'm sooooo scaaaaared of yoooou. What a bitch. Has anybody told him recently that he ain't in charge of jack squat these days? That guy has less control of terrorism than Ted Kennedy has a grip on reality. Ol' Alf over there has a tighter hold of the PLO (his ass sure does look like that cat eating alien, don't it? Eh, maybe it's just me...).

If we kill him now - bin Laden, not Kennedy - it'll be a moral victory, that's all. Now that I think of it, same might apply to Teddy Chappaquiddick, but I digress. Trust me when I say that right now, Osama couldn't fund a run to 7-11, let alone a terrorist organization. "Where's Osama? Where's Osama? Where's Osama?"


The guy is done. And his video today is proof. But good on him for finding a camera, vice just the ol' 8-track recorder. If he wanted to truly influence the elections, he'd attack. Since he CAN'T, he's doing the only thing he can do - run his suck.

Do we have to catch him? Oh, you bet. And we will. But will it have this massive impact on the state of world terrorism that everybody seems to think? Uh-uhh. Nope. Not a chance.

How's about we try to kill some of these other bastards too. There's more to terrorism than just Al-Qaeda. There's a whole list of people out there who don't like our beer-drinkin', hot-dog eatin', baseball watchin', freedom lovin', flag-wavin' asses. A LONG list. I don't give two good-Goddams about their connections to 9/11. Do they want to kill us NOW? Yes. This whole "I have a plan to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden" campaign speech of the Honorable Senator from Taxachusetts makes me giggle every time I hear it. I wonder if he's hiding in Cambodia?

Some would say we brought this upon ourselves. To that I would respond with "Please slice the feces." America don't start fights, baby - we finish 'em. You wanna dance, we'll dance.

So, Osama, feel free to bite me. Or the buttstock of my M-16, whichever hits your mouth first.


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