Dec 15, 2004

Strap in... this one's a doozy 

Yesterday, I promised a more serious post, and serious I shall be. As well as long winded. This has the makings of a long read, so get comfortable. I found this at Little Green Footballs: A Message From The Iraq Resistance.

This was posted at Information Clearing House, a happily "progressive" website that offers, among other things, a short series entitled “"The Rise of the Amerikan Nazis,”" and has a pirated version of Fahrenheit 9/11 available for download. Know thy enemy, people.

The film:
This is a no kidding, 5 minute recruiting ad for Jihadis to head to Iraq. I would find the whole thing terribly amusing if it weren'’t so deadly serious. I mean, it has all the production value of a first semester junior college short film, the music the whole thing is set to attempts to be stirring while having all the inspiration of karaoke sung by a choir of drunken secretaries at a TGI Fridays, and that voiceover?... If this is the voice that inspires the enemy, I am truly unimpressed. If it wasn’t for the bubbling rage I felt as I watched, I would have laughed out loud.

Click that link and watch the video. A transcript is also provided... a transcript I now intend to eviscerate.


Film opens with text -– first in Arabic, then switches over to English
After the unification of the Iraqi Islamic Army & the Islamic Jihad Brigades our active resistance faction is now known as
the Islamic Jihad Army. This Army operates & reports to the Mujahideen Joint Command
Which is much like US Joint Command... but run out of a goat pen
which also controls the:
The League of the Iraqi People
The National Front for the Liberation of Iraq
The Secret Iraqi Army (hmm... not very secret anymore, is it?)
The Brigades for Truth (What? The Anti-Smoking people? No WONDER you guys are trying to kill Marines!)
The Army of the Victorious Sect (Well sign me up to be overrun by the bra and panties brigade!... oh wait, I thought you said the Army of Victoria’'s Secret...)
The Islamic Resistance of Iraq
The Lions (and Tigers and Bears) of Iraq (oh my!)
The Iraqi Resistance
The Islamic Resistance of Dyala
As well as other small supporting cells
Communiqué No. 6 - The media platoon of the Islamic Jihad Army
Hey, they have an A/V Club... do you suppose THEY got picked on in high school too?
On the 27th of Shawal 1425 H.
Bringing the term "“Living in the past"” a whole new meaning...
The 10th of December 2004 M.
People of the world! These words come to you from those who up to the day of the invasion were struggling to survive under the sanctions imposed by the criminal regimes of the U.S. and Britain.
Thus admitting that you ARE NOT Iraqis, as they were only struggling to survive under the sanctions imposed by Saddam and Kofi Annan...
We are simple people who chose principles over fear.
This statement is spoken over various images of very “principled” men wearing masks... hmm...
We have suffered crimes and sanctions, which we consider the true weapons of mass destruction.

Years and years of agony and despair, while the condemned UN traded with our oil revenues in the name of world stability and peace.
Hold on.. did the Jihadi just say that the UN sucks? Well, maybe we have a starting point for negotiations! Probably not, but ya never know...
Over two million innocents died waiting for a light at the end of a tunnel that only ended with the occupation of our country and the theft of our resources.
What is this “THEFT” of which you speak, Michael Hadji Moore? Last I checked, we were still BUYING Iraqi oil. If we’ve been stealing it, we sure suck at it, because my gas prices have been over two dollars for months now.
After the crimes of the administrations of the U.S and Britain in Iraq, we have chosen our future
To get your asses kicked?
- the future of every resistance struggle ever in the history of man.
That's funny... I don'’t recall George Washington and Alexander Hamilton beheading Colonists who were still loyal to The Crown.
It is our duty, as well as our right, to fight back the occupying forces, which their nations will be held morally and economically responsible; for what their elected governments have destroyed and stolen from our land.
Again, the only thing we want destroyed is YOU, and the only thing worth stealing –- oil -– we'’re paying for. You guys could be sitting back getting fat off US cash. Instead you'’re choosing to wind up as bloated corpses. Works for me.
We have not crossed the oceans and seas to occupy Britain or the U.S.
And you never will, but you seem to be slowly commandeering France (not with German-like speed, but nonetheless...)
nor are we responsible for 9/11
Maybe yes, maybe no... but you'’re cut from the same cloth and instead of helping us rebuild Iraq, you’re killing people –- including other Muslims - who are busting their asses to turn that place into something. Screw you.
These are only a few of the lies that these criminals present to cover their true plans for the control of the energy resources of the world, in face of a growing China and a strong unified Europe. It is ironic that the Iraqi's are to bear the full face of this large and growing conflict on behalf of the rest of this sleeping world.
It'’s more ironic that you can blame this conflict on anyone other than yourself, you pompous oxygen bandit.
We thank all those, including those of Britain and the U.S., who took to the streets in protest against this war and against Globalism. We also thank France, Germany and other states for their position, which least to say are considered wise and balanced, til now.
Now THIS... THIS is the money quote. "“Thanks to the protestors, France, and Germany." ” Can it get ANY clearer that what you do on Main Street, USA has actual repercussions on the other side of the world? Can it get any clearer who our real allies are? Can it get any clearer that whoever loses the next major world war has to KEEP FRANCE?! By the way, does anybody else think this guy just exposed himself as a board moderator at Democratic Underground, or is that just me?
Today, we call on you again.

We do not require arms or fighters, for we have plenty.

We ask you to form a world wide front against war and sanctions. A front that is governed by the wise and knowing.
Like sayyy... "“Progressives”"? That Democratic Underground possibility seems confirmed...
A front that will bring reform and order. New institutions that would replace the now corrupt.

Stop using the U.S. dollar, use the Euro or a basket of currencies. Reduce or halt your consumption of British and U.S. products. Put an end to Zionism before it ends the world. Educate those in doubt of the true nature of this conflict and do not believe their media for their casualties are far higher than they admit.
“"Zionism is the true nature of this conflict”"? Israel ain'’t got jack to do with it, bub. We’'re out to kick your ass for the sake of protecting OURS, not as some quick reaction force for Ariel Sharon. You are right about the media though: I don’'t believe them because for the most part, they'’re on YOUR SIDE. I have the raw feed. I see the reports. The press sucks at their job. And the only casualties that aren'’t getting reported correctly are YOURS there, tough guy. When you get turned into a pink mist by a 500 pounder, it'’s hard for us to count how many of you there were...
We only wish we had more cameras to show the world their true defeat.

The enemy is on the run. They are in fear of a resistance movement they can not see nor predict.
At this point the film shows a view through a Night Vision Device of some type. We see what I can only describe as the WORST. FIRE DISCIPLINE. EVER. Tracers are getting launched all to hell and gone. No aim. No control. Just maximum “spray and pray.” I’'d fear that too... you fuckers might shoot me by accident at the same time you killed 20 of your own guys. The only reason you'’re unpredictable is because you suck THAT much.
We, now choose when, where, and how to strike. And as our ancestors drew the first sparks of civilization, we will redefine the word “conquest.“
Oh, they drew the first sparks alright... then the fire went out and you dumbasses have been living in the dark since about the 6th Century.
Today we write a new chapter in the arts of urban warfare.
Yeah, I know. We read your book... then we rewrote it.
Know that by helping the Iraqi people you are helping yourselves, for tomorrow may bring the same destruction to you.

In helping the Iraqi people does not mean dealing for the Americans for a few contracts here and there. You must continue to isolate their strategy.
Wha…... Where did this guy learn his English? "“Isolate their strategy"”? That'’s like saying "“reinflate their baseball"... it makes no sense.
This conflict is no longer considered a localized war. Nor can the world remain hostage to the never-ending and regenerated fear that the American people suffer from in general.

We will pin them here in Iraq to drain their resources, manpower, and their will to fight. We will make them spend as much as they steal, if not more.

We will disrupt, then halt the flow of our stolen oil, thus, rendering their plans useless.
In the immortal words of Ronald Reagan, “"There you go again." ” I WISH we were stealing it. – Then I'’d still have some jing in my pocket after I go to the pump. Instead, we’'re foolishly paying for the stuff. What SAVAGES we are!
And the earlier a movement is born, the earlier their fall will be.

And to the American soldiers we say, you can also choose to fight tyranny with us. Lay down your weapons, and seek refuge in our mosques, churches and homes. We will protect you. And we will get you out of Iraq, as we have done with a few others before you.
THIS one takes the cake. "“We will protect you." ” You could dry that one out and fertilize the lawn. And if - in the odd event that you are actually telling the truth -– you actually HAVE helped any US military members get out of Iraq, the end result hasn’'t worked out so well for THEM anyway, now has it? Not exactly a big motivator to for others to give it a shot...
Go back to your homes, families, and loved ones. This is not your war. Nor are you fighting for a true cause in Iraq.
YOU are gonna tell ME what I'’M fighting for? That’s a hoot...
And to George W. Bush, we say, “You have asked us to '‘Bring it on’,' and so have we, like never expected. Have you another challenge?”
Yeah. Martyr Off... first one to collect his virgins wins! GO!!

It's moments like this where a line from Starship Troopers comes to mind. Something about "backing off and 'glassing' the planet from orbit"...

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