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Mar 1, 2005

Hi!... and welcome to 1997 

Arianna Huffington Huffinstuff has just taken the mantle of stupid away from the previous owner, Maureen Dowd. Don't worry Maureen, I'm sure you'll regain your lost glory before too long.

You see, Ms. Huffinstuff has taken it upon herself to point out that - horror of horrors! - the Department of Defense has a TV channel.

Dear GOD, whatever shall we do?! Now the evil triple-headed Bushitler/Cheney/Rummy monster will be able to beam mind control rays straight into the eyeballs of ZILLIONS of unsuspecting people who have the potential to actually accidentally listen to Stuart Smalley's show on Air America before realizing that it sucks and turning it off anyway. This CANNOT stand!

Pentagon TV to invade your living room
The Bush administration will do just about anything to manipulate public opinion. It paid pundits to say nice things. It created bogus - and, according to the controller general, illegal - video news reports. It gave us Gannon/Guckert-gate.
Say wha? "ILLEGAL video news reports?" I thought that CNN had cornered the market on those when they overlooked Saddam feeding kids into wood-chippers so they could 'maintain access' (in the words of the dearly departed Eason Jordan). And for all your bluster, I STILL have NO GODDAM IDEA who Gannon or Guckert is except for something about them being the same guy or something. Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of Dan Rather sobbing...
Now, the Bushies are producing their own news network: the Pentagon Channel, brought to you by the Defense Department.
You may remember them from such exciting events as: D-DAY, Inchon, and the winning of the Cold War!
Started last year as an internal public-relations unit, the network is expanding to the general public. Some cable systems, including Time Warner, already carry it, and the Dish Network will soon be beaming the station to more than 11 million viewers.
All of whom still live in the freest country on the planet and have access to remote controls. God forbid it has to compete for screen time in a house like mine with HBO-On-Demand... it'll be a ratings GIANT I tell you!
Defense Department TV execs say it'll be "a mix between CNN and C-SPAN," with military news and lifestyle shows, live briefings and appearances by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

Pentagon Channel programs include "Why I Serve," and "Korea Destinations."
Like the Lieutenant told Joker, we run two kinds of stories here: "Grunts who give half their pay to buy kids toothbrushes and deodorants - Winning Of Hearts and Minds. And combat action which results in a kill - Winning the War." Sadly, Ms. Huffinstuff has found us out and will now call us on it...
Rumsfeld might consider a more realistic lineup. How about: "The Real World: Fallujah"; "Pimp My Humvee" and "Desperate Military Housewives."
Wow... I'm speechless... where oh where does this woman's comic genius spring from? And that timing! Only EIGHT YEARS behind the power curve! (Maybe more, but as far as I can tell, the televized "Navy/Marine Corps News" show which does everything she just described has only been on the air since 1997...)

But rage on, fair maiden, rage on. For more of Ms. Huffinstuff check out her website (which has a longer and even more action-packed version of the article above) and what supposedly passes for a blog. Apparently, an excerpt from an article you wrote the day before (which is on the same website, by the way) and a hotlink that takes you DIRECTLY THERE (will wonders never cease) qualifies. Maybe I missed the memo, but I thought it had something to do with original content, or at least maybe referencing somebody besides yourself. Guess I was wrong.

But at least I know now that the Pentagon Channel is coming to steal my soul and scramble what's left of my feeble military brain. So I've got that goin' for me... which is nice...
Posted by: Mike the Marine / 20:52
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