Oct 23, 2009

Because I think it's cool 

I'm a video game junkee, much to the beloved Wif's chagrin. Oh yes, it's true. I can hit line drives and snipe bad guys with the best of 'em, from right here behind this keyboard. I don't have an XBOX 360... and given my current status as husband and daddy, I may - nay, probably WILL - never have one. But I sure as hell wish I did, if for no other reason than to play THIS. As proven by a bevy of films and video games, in the future, ALL military worth mention are MARINES... well, SPACE Marines, but Marines nonetheless...

This is everything that the Starship Troopers movie should have been, condensed to 150 seconds. Double-click it to watch in super-big HD. Trust me. It's worth it.

The Cheney Plan for Afghanistan 

Oct 22, 2009

Mo' money, mo' problems 

I get a pay raise. Yay! Most everything else is screwed up, though...

Allow me to deconstruct:

Military personnel will get an above-inflation pay raise of 3.4 percent (sweet) under a Pentagon policy bill the Senate passed Thursday and sent to President Obama for his signature.

The pay increase was a half-percentage point more than Obama sought earlier this year and beats the average pay boost in the private sector. (Dirty little secret: this is the last time this is gonna happen for a LOOONNG time. Every budget that touches DoD is about to dry up faster than your tongue after an all-nighter.)

The popular legislation also gives Obama a few victories in his bid to kill some especially costly weapons systems, though it contains an effort by lawmakers to continue development -- over the president's strong objections -- of a costly alternative engine for the Pentagon's next-generation fighter jet. (More on that in a moment...)

The Senate cleared the House-Senate compromise measure by a 68-29 vote.

The far-reaching legislation also prohibits the Obama administration from transferring any detainee being held at the Guantanamo Bay military prison in Cuba to the U.S. for trial (wait for it...) until 45 days after it has given notice to Congress (and there it is. I waited longer for GI Joes that I ordered with UPC symbols through the mail when I was a kid. The fact that Gitmo club members can come here at all is ludicrous). Guantanamo prisoners could not be released into the U.S. (Yeah, just tried here and then sent... where?)

The bill also contains unrelated legislation strengthening federal hate crimes laws to include violence against homosexuals, angering Republicans who objected to the military measure carrying social legislation. (This is offensive for the same reason that ALL hate crime legislation is offensive. Why are there two sets of rules? Either a crime was committed or it wasn't - the WHY doesn't matter. How can you justify that I - as a white male - could face a whole different set of laws if I were to punch a black guy than if I were to punch a white guy? And somebody tell me the last time that a GAY dude was charged with a hate crime against a straight dude. Stupid.)

The bill also contains significant changes to voting procedures for U.S. troops and other American voters overseas. (Such as? Will have to look this up later, as they totally dropped the topic right there.)

Some Pentagon reform advocates had hoped Obama would take a more aggressive stance against costly and poorly performing weapons systems. But Obama and Defense Secretary Robert Gates focused most of their attention on a handful of items, especially trying to kill the jobs-rich but well-over-budget F-22 fighter program, which has its origins in the Cold War era and, its critics maintain, is poorly suited for anti-insurgent battles in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The measure would terminate production of the F-22.

And there is perhaps the WORST part of this bill. There's an old saying: you always end up fighting the last war. In other words, tactics don't keep up with technology or, more importantly, a different and forward thinking enemy. The Civil War was fought with rifles, but troops formed in lines of battle that George Washington would have been comfortable with to mass the fires from his men's muskets. The French set up for a repeat of the trench warfare of WWI and were greeted by the Blitzkrieg. In this case, we're so focused on THIS war that we're about to kill a weapon system that has "next war" written all over it, under the delusion that it's a complete waste of time because it was designed during the last war. When the feces impacts the rotary impeller and there are MiGs on the horizon (and make no mistake - even if we're not shooting Russians, we will be shooting MiGs... and some bad ass star-fighters they will be, at that) you're gonna want that cowbell boys. I promise ya.

No, no... instead, we're gonna spend more money on an engine for the F-35 that nobody asked for, nobody needs, and - more than likely - nobody will use. Don't get me wrong. The F-35 is a great bird and will do wonders, but it can't do what the F-22 will. We've closed bases and shut off systems in the name of redundancy, but now we've gotta keep that widget factory open to make a totally redundant and useless piece of gear save jobs. Nice politickin' there, boys.

Oh, and this is also is the official legislation ceding Poland and eastern Europe back to the Russians, making final the death of the missile defense system that POTUS crushed with his open hand/unclenched fist back in September... on the anniversary of the Soviet invasion of Poland.

So, to sum up: I'll enjoy the pay bump because I won't be seeing another one for awhile, hardened terrorists may be able to take advantage of new hate-crime legislation in US courts, we will squelch a great aircraft to make worthless crap for another aircraft, and the Cold War v2.0 loading bar is reading somewhere around 50%. I think that covers it. Oh, and I'm supposedly about to get 55,000 new friends in camouflage... but considering the state of DoD funding - like I said before - I think that's a recruiting goal that will be downsized. Maybe we can get some of them jobs building that useless F-35 engine instead.

Oct 13, 2009

History geek 

I am one.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the Civil War. In four minutes.


Oct 9, 2009

There he is. Miss America?‏ 

My head exploded.

Blew right the f@ck up.

I got in my car this morning, turned on the radio, and then – like a mafia hit – brains splattered all over the inside of the vehicle. It looked like that scene at the end of “Pulp Fiction” where Travolta shoots the guy in the face. Grey matter on the windows. Blood and bits of scorched skull gathering in the folds of the seat cusions.

They gave him what?

They gave Obama… WHAT!?

Barack H. Obama? Jesus H. Christ…

If this doesn’t lock down for everyone that the Nobel Peace Prize is now the biggest f@cking farce in the world, I don’t know what will. Once upon a time, the Prize held some kind of meaning. Look at the list. Mother Teresa. MLK. Albert Schweitzer. Lech Walesa. Even Teddy Roosevelt got in on the act with the peace treaty he honchoed between the Ruskies and the Japanese. And then things go slightly awry.

Yasser Arafat? Check. Jimmy Carter? Check. Kofi freaking Annan in 2001, while “Oil for Food” was scandalizing it’s merry away through Iraq and around the world? Check. Let’s take a trip to the wayback machine: Woodrow Wilson… for his creation of the League of Nations. Yeah, that worked out great. And apparently Gorbachev ended the Cold War all on his lonesome. Thatcher? Reagan? John Paul II? Who? All of which brings us to the Goracle himself, with his big grab bag full of overheated lies, “An Inconvenient Truth… because it isn’t.”

But I will give Algore this: at least he did SOMETHING. He made a movie full of half-truths and outright falsehoods, followed it with multiple fossil fueled trips jetting around the world to sell said movie, and made sure he left the lights, a/c, and a small thermonuclear reactor running in his home 24/7 - racking up an electric bill to the tune of 24 times larger than the average American’s – while he was out telling us all about how evil we were for driving our SUVs. But what – and I’m serious here – did Obama do to “deserve” the Nobel? And given the timing, on what basis was he even nominated?

The nomination process closed February 1st. That means the man was nominated less than 12 days into his Presidency - or, mind numbingly, before he had even taken office. At that point he had signed the order to close Gitmo… which has since been basically rescinded. And… wait… gimme a second…

In the middle of February, he ordered a troop INCREASE for Afghanistan – not exactly the most “peaceful” of decisions. Yes, the Taliban and I somehow agree on this... which makes me a terrorist by the way, or something. And since then… what? You don’t suppose they’ve been sitting on announcing the next decision on Afghanistan because they thought another troop increase might spoil the Nobel, do you? Nooooo. They wouldn’t do that. At least I don’t think so. I mean, that would imply that somebody in the White House knew what the plan was and then waited for the Nobel announcement. I say that’s impossible because it doesn’t meet the first criteria: knowing the plan.

So why, then? Well, you want the official explanation? “He makes us feel funny in the pants.” Okay, maybe that’s not a direct quote. But this is:
"The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 is to be awarded to President Barack Obama for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples. The Committee has attached special importance to Obama's vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons.”
That’s right… he won the Nobel Peace Prize by – like every other beauty queen in the history of ever – wishing for world peace. Every Miss America, Miss Universe, and Miss Strawberry Festival around the planet has been shorted since 1901, and they should be calling the switchboard in Norway asking to be put through to the Nobel Committee immediately. And since they're giving the things away based on good intentions and expressed interests, I say give him the Heisman too. I'm sure he likes college football as much as the next guy... why not? No, really. Give it to him.

So, congrats to POTUS/Miss Illinois. “Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future.” Between his Jesus-like ability to “capture attention” and “give hope,” and his forthcoming reenactment of the scene in Superman IV where he’ll be putting all our nukes in a giant net and throwing them into the sun, I am truly inspired. So much so, obviously, that my head exploded.
UPDATE: Great minds think alike.

Oct 2, 2009

Congrats to Rio 

I mean, they were able to concentrate on the Olympics. They didn't have to avoid other things in order to go to Copenhagen, so they kinda had an unfair advantage...

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