Oct 31, 2004

Sammy... or should I say... 

Herr Sam?

You see, our new little friend, who has graced us with his presence in the comments to my last post - would like us to believe he's in Dayton, Ohio. He'd also like us to infer that he's in the Army, being as his profile picture on his blog shows him in a beret and green t-shirt.

But Herr Samuel, it vould zeem dat you are typing avay on dat liddle keyboard of yours somevhere in Europe. Your Deutsche Telekom IP address, and the fact that it bounces through a server in Amsterdam, are both things that I find quite interesting.

But I don't jump to conclusions. No, no. Not me. Please, by all means - explain.

I would LOVE to hear this.

UPDATE: Of course, I realize that I have fallen into Sammy's little publicity trap and mentioned him on the top of my page. This will no doubt triple his traffic. Who knows? By the end of next week he may have 500 total. Watch out Instapundit!

Oct 29, 2004

Beware the Bogeyman 

Ooooo.... I am Osama Bin Laden....

And I approved this message...


Just in time for Halloween that little rat-bastard pops up to say hi. What a shitbird.

I blame him for multiple things: long lines at the airport, the fact that my friends and I have to tour the world looking for his candy-ass, etc.

Mostly I blame him for the fact that I now have a National Defense Medal that I have to wear with my Blues. What a pain in the ass. Damn pizza stain. I wanted my first ribbon to be something more out of the ordinary, ya know? Like an Arctic Service Medal, or something. Instead, three years ago, Osama hooked me up.



Speaking of douches, who's writing Osama's friggin' keynote speeches these days, Jabba the Tard Michael Moore?
It never occurred to us that he, the commander in chief of the country, would leave 50,000 citizens in the two towers to face those horrors alone, because he thought listening to a child discussing her goats was more important.
Un. Real.

Tell ya what there cheese-dick, how's about we Rochambeau for the future of the world, m'kay? We'll kick each other in the nuts until somebody gives up... I go first.

Oooh, Osama... I'm sooooo scaaaaared of yoooou. What a bitch. Has anybody told him recently that he ain't in charge of jack squat these days? That guy has less control of terrorism than Ted Kennedy has a grip on reality. Ol' Alf over there has a tighter hold of the PLO (his ass sure does look like that cat eating alien, don't it? Eh, maybe it's just me...).

If we kill him now - bin Laden, not Kennedy - it'll be a moral victory, that's all. Now that I think of it, same might apply to Teddy Chappaquiddick, but I digress. Trust me when I say that right now, Osama couldn't fund a run to 7-11, let alone a terrorist organization. "Where's Osama? Where's Osama? Where's Osama?"


The guy is done. And his video today is proof. But good on him for finding a camera, vice just the ol' 8-track recorder. If he wanted to truly influence the elections, he'd attack. Since he CAN'T, he's doing the only thing he can do - run his suck.

Do we have to catch him? Oh, you bet. And we will. But will it have this massive impact on the state of world terrorism that everybody seems to think? Uh-uhh. Nope. Not a chance.

How's about we try to kill some of these other bastards too. There's more to terrorism than just Al-Qaeda. There's a whole list of people out there who don't like our beer-drinkin', hot-dog eatin', baseball watchin', freedom lovin', flag-wavin' asses. A LONG list. I don't give two good-Goddams about their connections to 9/11. Do they want to kill us NOW? Yes. This whole "I have a plan to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden" campaign speech of the Honorable Senator from Taxachusetts makes me giggle every time I hear it. I wonder if he's hiding in Cambodia?

Some would say we brought this upon ourselves. To that I would respond with "Please slice the feces." America don't start fights, baby - we finish 'em. You wanna dance, we'll dance.

So, Osama, feel free to bite me. Or the buttstock of my M-16, whichever hits your mouth first.


Oct 28, 2004

I like the guy, but... 

Maybe he should just shut the hell up till about... m'say... next week.
In a morning television appearance, Giuliani criticized Democrat John Kerry for blaming President Bush for the disappearance of hundreds of tons of explosives in Iraq.

''No matter how you try to blame it on the president, the actual responsibility for it really would be for the troops that were there. Did they search carefully enough? Didn't they search carefully enough?'' he said on NBC's ''Today'' show.

Uncool. I know what you're trying to say there, Rudy (at least I think I do) but you just made it sound like the soldiers screwed it away. What you NEED to do is play up the freakin' truth: the stuff was gone when we got there.
Members of our 3rd Infantry Division — the heroes who led the march to Baghdad — reached the site in question in early April. Despite the pressures of combat, they combed the dump. Nothing was found. Al-Qaqaa was a vast junkyard.
Rudy, at this point there's no such thing as an "undecided voter." You're not really having an effect one way or the other, so go have a seat, pull the loafer out of your throat and just be glad you don't have any shoelaces to wrap around your tonsils.

Oct 27, 2004

The most relieved man in America tonight is... 


Most people don't recall that even though he gave up probably the most famous error in Series history, the loss wasn't totally his fault. Thank God the Red Sox won a World Series before he died. I can only imagine the things that Bostonians would have done to that man's grave...

Oct 26, 2004

Good God, ain't this thing over yet? 

Ya know, I should be getting something extra to cover the expenses of all the acid-reflux medication I've had to take to deal this whole Presidential race thing.

Sweet weeping Heyzeus on the perpendicular planks of wood, just let it be over.

Folks who visit here regularly know who my personal choice is - it ain't exactly a thinly veiled secret. But at this point I just want it done. And for the love of all that is holy, if ANYBODY pulls a Florida this year, I'm going postal on 'em.

oh please oh please oh please.... just make the bad man stop

Anyway, of interest is this little tidbit I found a couple days ago at LGF. 1.4 million teenagers re-elected President Bush in a landslide mock-election. Hmmm... weren't they supposed to be scared to death of him because he's reinstating the draft or something?

Oh wait... Maybe the teens are a little more plugged into this thing than they usually are? Well they were right in the last two elections, so I guess we'll see in a week if they pull off the hat-trick.

And by the way: Babe Ruth's ghost finally gagged on a hot dog and will no longer pose a menace to the BoSox. 86 years is long enough. Besides... SOMEBODY from Massachusetts should get to feel the thrill of victory this year, right? [/wink]

And as the first commenter on this post (and just because I thought his election prediction was pretty damn funny) KILABE is the winner of a free link from me. I ain't exactly Instapundit, but I figure this'll be good for four 'er five hits easy...

Oct 25, 2004


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