Feb 28, 2007

Next up: flying monkeys? 

So the dirty Red ChiComs Chinese claim that they have been able to play around in the brainpans of pigeons and make them remote-controllable. What possible use could this have, you say? Maybe carrier pigeons will come back into favor now that you can guarantee arrival? Orrrr…
Global Pigeon
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Think about it. What could be stealthier than birds that are actually UAVs? It's a double whammie for the Chinese too, because if we ever get into a shooting war and they send up whole flocks of these things, we can't shoot them down because the dirty tree hugging hippies animal rights activists would throw a massive hissy-fit. Can you even imagine the ramifications? Pigeon coops for captured Chinese birds would be called the new Abu Gharibs. Sam the Eagle would be vilified in the press for eating smaller, weaker birds because he wanted to take control of their territory and resources. Negotiations at the UN would break down over massive world-wide proliferation of kung-pow chicken…

Hey, you think I'm jokin' around here? Start training your cats now, people.

Gratuitous "Goracle" linkage 




Hey, the money for my vocabalary edumacation was stuck in a lockbox somewhere...

Feb 27, 2007

As predicted 

I didn't win - of course - but thanks to everybody who voted for me. That's pretty cool, you guys.

Feb 25, 2007

Who needs the Oscars? 

Maybe the most awesome picture EVER 

Feb 24, 2007


Wow. I don't know who went and did it, but I'm flattered. I just found out (pretty much by accident) that I've been nominated for a "Milbloggie" in the Marine Corps category over at Milblogging.com.

It's not like I think I'm going to win or anything, but thanks. Just to see me up there on the same list with Maj Pain and Taco Bell is pretty awesome. A BIG thank you to LL, who apparently is the one that submitted me to the Milblogging list in the first place. And even though I'm not gonna win, voting closes on the 27th... nudge, nudge, wink, wink...

THAT'S a man 

Texas Representative Sam Johnson is everything that Jack Murtha wishes he was, but never will be.


Feb 23, 2007

Get some 

On the anniversary of the flag raising on Iwo Jima, I find this only fitting:


The money quote is actually at this link, though.
"One of the tourists was a former Marine and he was probably the one who broke (Segura's) neck," Hernandez said. "His neck was completely snapped."
Does this call for a Gunny Ermey soundbite? Hells yes.

Feb 20, 2007

Today's "You gotta be sh%#in' me" moment... 

... brought to you by Military Press.

For those of you not spending your days on military bases in California, Military Press puts out a free weekly magazine that is distributed to 49 bases and over 700,000 troops (by their own estimates). They usually put in a ridiculously short story about some actress or singer, seemingly only so that they can put her picture on the cover and thereby boost readership among the extremely male-heavy armed forces. Not a bad marketing strategy, I suppose. Sometimes it hits, sometimes it misses... hey, it's free: ya get what ya pay for.

But today I spotted this and became slightly pissed off. This is the current cover:

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What's wrong with this picture? How's about we zoom in on the bottom left...

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That's right: a dead Anna Nicole rates the full page, but a dead helo crew is relegated to two inches in the lower corner. What a crock.

When you get inside, the amount of page space dedicated to the two stories is about even, and the helo memorial is actually mentioned on an earlier page. But the fact remains that the death of a gold digging, idiot ex-stripper got the headline over the loss of a Navy helo crew... in a publication with a MILITARY READERSHIP, no less.

You know what my first thought was when she kicked? "Hey, the war must be over, because I can't find it on any of the news channels." I expect this crap from CNN and the "pop-culture-crime-of-the-week watch" at Fox News, but from these guys too? C'mon...

Final thought: The only person who's death I give even less of a crap about than Anna Nicole's? Princess Di. If the Brits cry over her, that's their thing. But all the American hand wringing for her - still, 10 years later - is the stupidest shit I've ever seen...

UPDATE: I went back and looked again, and realized that Anna actually has TWO mentions in MP and the second one (closer to the back of the magazine) is significantly larger, thus making this whole thing even more disgusting than I initially thought. And I hope that judge who busted down into tears at the trial regarding custody right for her body chokes. What a little bitch that guy is. F'ing unbelievable...

Feb 19, 2007


No extraneous comment needed.
This pretty much says it all.

UPDATE: I was wrong. That and THIS say it all...

Feb 15, 2007

Nicely done 

WOW. Cassandra went above and beyond to debunk the press' feverish claim that the "sudden trend" of downed helos in Iraq is - in fact - no such thing. While scary and certainly sad, the losses do not create a graph that looks like Mount Everest climbing into the clouds. It looks more like, well... you'll see.

Isn't it interesting that statistics always seem to contradict headlines these days?

Feb 13, 2007

Oh, well nevermind then... 

So, Michael Yon - combat journalist extraordinaire and former Special Forces guy says - what the hell is this thing?

The call goes out across the blogs for a weapons recce. Blackfive wants to know. So do the Lizards. So does Drudge. And the Armory itself is scratching it's collective head. People go high and right and say it's everything from a new MANPAD to an RPG. Even I get in on the act in B5's comments and say it's probably some type of improvised S-5 rocket launcher (of which there are hundreds in Iraq).

And then... yeeeeaah... I think we been had...

All the guys guessing "potato gun" and "new Cobra prototype for defeating G.I.Joe" were pretty damn close it appears. I wonder if this is how Boston felt when the Mooninites attacked... And in that vein...

Feb 12, 2007

New look! 

No, not here. I promise to continue to give you the same bland layout I've always had, at least for the foreseeable future. Not so, Pat Dollard. He's got an all new look, a boatload of new posts, and a video you won't believe of the crotchety old asshat I love to hate. Give professor poopy-pants a click to find out what new kind of stupid fell out of his mouth today...

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"You think that NASA chick had it tough? I've got a load in my diapers every day over here..."

And I know you're busting your ass to get "Young Americans" done, Pat. So HURRY UP, will ya!

Feb 10, 2007

Londonistan update 

Feb 9, 2007

It's minus 30 outside? Must be global warming... 

I don't usually go here, but this is simply too good to pass up. Via the Jawas:

Fortress of Solitude to be Built in Arctic
An Arctic "doomsday vault" aimed at providing mankind with food in case of a global catastrophe will be designed to sustain the effects of climate change, the project's builders said as they unveiled the architectural plans.

The top-security repository, carved into the permafrost of a mountain in the remote Svalbard archipelago near the North Pole, will preserve some three million batches of seeds from all known varieties of the planet's crops.

The hope is that the vault will make it possible to re-establish crops obliterated by major disasters.

"We have taken into consideration the (outside) temperature rising and have located the facility so far inside the rock that it will be in permafrost and won't be affected" by the outside temperature, Magnus Bredeli Tveiten, project manager at Norway's Directorate of Public Construction and Property, told AFP.
Apparently, somebody thinks that "The Day After Tomorrow" was a documentary.
It is also expected to be safe if the ices of Antarctica completely melt, which experts say could increase sea levels by 61 meters (200 feet).
Of course, if they DO completely melt, how are we gonna get there? Swim? And what land will we be growing this food in? It'll all be underwater, won't it? I hope everybody paid attention during that science experiment in third grade where you grew a potato in a jar without any dirt...
The entry to the vault, which will shoot out of the mountainside, will be a narrow triangular portal made of cement and steel, illuminated with artwork that changes according to the Arctic light. In summer, "in the midnight sun, it will look like a large diamond," said Tveiten. In winter, when the sun does not rise above the horizon, "it will glow into the darkness," he added.
Because there will be so many people up there to… you know… look at it… all the time… yeah…

The whole thing - all 8000-plus square feet of it - will last for more than 200 years, and sit behind an airlocked door, buried 400 feet inside a mountain… much like NORAD

Final thought: provided anyone remembers that this thing is there and what it's purpose is two centuries from now, and fire and brimstone fall from the sky and melt every last little snow ball we have, AND anyone can swim to the North Pole and get to this thing… how will they open it? I'm pretty sure we'll need someone on the inside to open it for us. I nominate Al Gore.

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oh, and uh... Manbearpig

Feb 7, 2007

President Peanut (emphasis on "nut") 

Jimmy Carter once again goes for the gold in the "World's Largest Douchebag" contest, with this entry. I think he's got a really good chance of being the first two time winner. Waaaay back in the day, I used to think he was a kindly old guy who just had poor leadership skills. Now it's obvious that he's a brain-dead idiot and a supporter of America's enemies. What a tool.

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One of these guys ran his country into the ground during his time as leader and
is a media darling and United Nations superstar because he hates America.

The other one runs Cuba.

Feb 5, 2007

5 minutes of your time 

That's all it will take to read this, and then you'll see why - in the long run - the current state of Sunni-Shi'a "relations" is a good thing for America. In the short term it's just red-on-red violence (our most favoritist type)... which is good from a tactical standpoint, but completely worthless when it comes to really fixing anything in the Middle East. A sample you ask for, a sample you shall have:
So, an organization that had hoped to rally the entire Muslim world to jihad against the West has been dragged instead into a dirty internal war within Islam. Bin Laden began his struggle hoping to topple the Saudi regime. He is now aligned with the Saudi monarchy as it organizes against Shiite domination. This necessarily limits Al Qaeda's broader appeal and complicates its basic anti-Western strategy.

These emerging divisions weaken Al Qaeda, but they will help most Muslims only if this story ends as the Reformation did. What is currently a war of sects must become a war of ideas. First, Islam must make space for differing views about what makes a good Muslim. Then it will be able to take the next step and accept the diversity among religions, each true in its own way.
As has been said many times, Islam must fix itself; it cannot be done from the outside. Five minutes, I swear... you won't be disappointed.

Feb 1, 2007

I wish I'd had this at Christmas 

I would have just put it up right here, but YouTube only has an edited version of this, and I say you need all the Gunny Ermey you can get... even at the North Pole...

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